The cliché « Sometimes, a wounded heart never heals »
what the fuck am i supposed to do if it never does? I can’t just put my life on hold while it tries to heal itself. I can’t just try and pretend like i’m not hurt, like nothing ever happened and that i’m positive about what the future holds for me. i’m desperate. I’m alone, and the worst part is that i know and realize that i really am alone. 2 alcoholic beverages and i’m already knock down. I know my body can hold up more than that, but my mind can’t. It makes me numb. it makes me feel like i’m floating through time and space, like I could go back to any place in time. But i’m still awake enough to know that nothing I aspire to become is realistic. I mean, i’m just a young adult who has a minimum wage job and who after his shifts, watches netflix with a beer (or two) (or more than two). I do have two faces. I mean who doesn’t ? I’ve got this positive, open-minded and clever part of me who believes that almost anything is achievable. But i also have this part of me, where i drink and smoke, in order to make me different. Because i know that what i truly am isn’t good enough. I like how i move my arms, they are heavy but light at the same time. It is so weird. I am weird. fuck i just tried to drink a sip of my beer but it’s empty. And now i’m looking at my hands and i just can’t figure out how they move. why are they choosing these letters? I can’t even tell. I wanna be able to tell. I want to be able to tell why things are that way and be certain that they won’t be there for ever. That things change and that therefore, people change too.
Circumstances are what changes us. change the situation you’re in, and you change your whole way of living.